A non-monogamous gay couple recently conducted a monogamy survey of 832 gay men between the ages of 18 and 39 about the kinds of relationships they want. They found that 632 respondents identified as monogamous, 152 identified as “monogamish” (exclusively dating one partner but open to physical intimacy with others) and 48 identified as non-monogamous.
Does this mean that younger gay men want monogamous relationships? Probably not. In fact, a separate 2016 survey suggests that young gay men are opinionated yet largely ignorant about what open relationships actually are.
Researchers Lanz Lowen and Blake Spears, a couple who have been dating for four decades — with 36 of those years spent in an open relationship — conducted their recent survey to learn more about what long-term gay couples want.
Approximately 89% of their respondents under the age of 25 said they wanted a monogamous relationship. So did 93% of respondents between ages 26–30 and 92% of respondents over the age of 31.
But the researchers say most respondents equated monogamy with marriage, meaning they may simply be expressing a desire to wed rather than a desire for pure monogamy.
Naturally, non-mongamous gay couples can wed; they just can’t legally marry more than one person.
A 2016 study showed that many people who haven’t been in open relationships still have very strong opinions about them: 33% of single men with no experience of open relationships and 33% of coupled men with no experience of open relationships said they believe “open relationships are not real relationships.” About 53% of single men said they’d rather be single than in an open relationship; 41% of single men with no experience of open relationships said opening a relationship can be toxic.
In short, gay and bi guys who’d never been in an open/poly relationship tend to regard them as negative, and guys who have been in one tend to view them more positively, suggesting the so-called preference for monogamy may be based partly on ignorance and fear.
Considering the lack of open relationships portrayed in the media, it’s no wonder most young gay men would prefer monogamy — it’s all they’ve ever seen.
What do you think of the results of this new monogamy survey? Sound off in the comments.
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