No More Penis Shame: How to Be Proud of Your Penis, Whatever Its Size and Shape
We live in a culture full of penis shame, with everyone wondering if they are “normal” and having no exposure to the actual diversity of genitals that exist. Other than with a partner, we only see other cocks in porn or the rare gratuitous demo in the locker room.
Our body shaming culture doesn’t honor various types of cocks. There are no “bad” genitals, just like there are no “bad” bodies, but culture, media, apps and porn would imply otherwise.
Porn has many benefits, but it’s seriously flawed in its lack of diverse penis representation, which is damaging to the psyche of penis owners. Body-positive porn is probably the exact opposite of what you watch now. What you watch is likely harming your penis confidence, and could be contributing to penis shame.
One of the top therapeutic uses for porn is to help you find new ways to be sexual and to spike arousal. One of its most powerful uses is its normalization of diverse bodies and sexual interests, which leads to higher self-esteem and body-esteem. Just don’t let porn work against you.
Surround yourself with media that reflects back who and how you want to be. Watch porn that shows diverse bodies, a wide variety of sexual behaviors and differently sized penises. Penis shame exists for many men, and seeing smaller penises causing arousal and being eroticized is good for your sexual and psychological health.
Health is accepting yourself as you are sexually and working with that. Your penis is fine as it is. It’s OK not to have a “perfect” body (or penis). We need to resist and oppose the “idealized body,” as it keeps us all trapped and anxious about imperfection and difference. We are obsessed with our bodies and with perfection, conformity and improvement, but not with acceptance or promotion of differences. Our bodies are a vehicle, not an achievement! Yet we see our body as a representation of us.
There is an idea that if a penis is not big, erect on-demand or hard for as long as you want, that it is a disordered penis needing a cure, help or fixing. This is toxic masculinity, because a man’s worth isn’t his genitals. Not all men have a penis, and this also stigmatizes the bodies of those that are intersex. But more importantly, don’t reduce a person down to their body. My advice to those who complain that their partner’s penis is “too small” or doesn’t “stay hard” is to go buy a dildo!
Sometimes dicks that are bigger can feel better, but there are things a smaller penis can do better (it nails the prostate and the G-spot far better than a larger cock). Being good in bed means being creative, and when an erection isn’t available or a penis isn’t your desired size, then sex should become about tongues, fingers and toys — the hot sex trifecta. Because, FYI to the younger guys, erectile issues are to be expected as you age.
Loving yourself exactly as you are is a beautiful act of authenticity and healing. Only follow and “like” accounts that support sustainable body norms. Each time you jerk-off to porn’s standard steroid and big-cock-only videos, you actively support and reproduce the standards that oppress you; and if not you, many others.
Part of battling this is to unfollow and stop supporting all that makes you feel bad. This is not about demonizing those bodies; I support all bodies, and the beauty of diversity and various sizes.
Don’t change your body. Instead change the people you have sex with, the porn you watch and the ways you allow those around you to discuss bodies. Find those that eroticize you as you already are!
Dr. Chris Donaghue is a lecturer, therapist and host of the LoveLine podcast, a weekly expert on The Amber Rose Show, and a frequent co-host on TV series The Doctors. He previously hosted WE tv’s Sex Box and Logo’s Bad Sex. He authored the book Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture and has been published in various professional journals and top magazines, including The New York Times, Newsweek, Cosmo and National Geographic. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Read more stories by just signing up
or Download the App to read the latest stories