The next time you’re craving something salty, instead of reaching for that long, cylindrical can of Pringles maybe you should opt for one of several semen-based recipes.
Yeah, you read that right. And no, we’re not bullshitting you.
In 2008, a book titled Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes, written by Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer, was published. (You can purchase it on Amazon for less than $30 here.) It was the very first cookbook by Photenhauer, whose “about the author” describes him as “a passionate cook who loves to experiment with new exciting ingredients in the kitchen.”
Heh. Yeah, we’d say.
Check out the description of Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes on Amazon:
Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cookbook!
And, as happens on Amazon, the reviews of this book of semen-based recipes are real winners. Check out some of our faves:
“This recipe book is very practical, it saves on tissues and allows me to use all of my natural harvest and put it to a good use, whereas otherwise it would get wasted.”
“Can’t put this book down (way too sticky).”
“Guess who’s cumming for dinner?”
“I would love to try the recipes, but my boyfriend won’t supply me with the main ingredient.”
“My girlfriend and I just love this cookbook. She takes care of the actual cooking part and I am responsible for gathering the ingredients. We were delighted to find the ethnic food sections and are exploring the Asian cuisine this week. I gotta tell you though the Cream of Sumyoungguy is not for the faint of heart. It called for 1/2 cup of the err, special sauce. She said it was divine but honestly, I was just too tired to eat.”
This one’s particularly sick (in the best way possible):
“I learned this lesson the hard way – my used copy arrived all tattered and torn and many of the pages were stuck together. My grandma still loved the gift, but she complains that some of the recipes are too salty for her.”
If you’re like us, you’re in constant search of a gift for the guy who has everything.
Well, you’ve just found it. Bon appetit!