You Didn’t Have To Make This, Vol. 2: The Testicuzzi

You Didn’t Have To Make This, Vol. 2: The Testicuzzi

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Some things in this world exist separately because they’re meant to. Places to specifically put your testicles, for example, exist separately from very small hot tubs. We don’t really think of those things in conjunction to one another on a daily basis, the way we think about, say, peanut butter and jelly. Yet once in a while, a product will come along that is so absurd and unexpected that it completely exceeds traditional perceptions of innovation. You must know where I’m going with this by now. Cue the Testicuzzi.

What is the Testicuzzi? A personal hot tub for your testicles, of course. Measuring at 3.5 inches wide, 3.5 inches tall, and 5 inches from front to back, the Testicuzzi is designed with your testicles’ comfort in mind. Finally!

All the user has to do is heat some water to the desired temperature, fill the hot tub up, and flip the switch for the bubbles to get going. The Testicuzzi is battery-powered and features a soft, silicone headrest. The convenience of this cordless product means you can take it anywhere. (Please don’t.)

The limited-edition 24k gold Testicuzzi

The Testicuzzi comes in three classy colors: jet black, white and — if you’re feeling particularly fancy — plated in limited-edition 24k gold (which is currently sold out, unfortunately). The jet black and white editions are on sale right now at a steal for $69.69. That’s right. That’s the price.

And for those of you who just can’t get enough testicle-themed products, never fear. I am so happy to report that the website also offers T-shirts with colorful expressions like, “BALLS!” and “hap-penis.”

You might be wondering, “Why?”

The creators of Testicuzzi explain how this incredibly special item was conceived: “Just over a year ago, a few friends were hanging out on a houseboat in beautiful [Lake Powell]. As many drunk conversations go, the conversation turned to college trends and what’s going on in the world of sexuality. Turns out, some people enjoy placing their testicles into a cup of water and letting someone blow bubbles in the water with a straw.”

So there you have it. A casual, drunk conversation among friends brought the Testicuzzi into our lives. And how blessed (?) we are that it did.

Will you be heading on over to purchase your very own Testicuzzi right this minute?

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