Oh, straight guys. When they aren’t promoting lame toxic masculinity or being homophobic, they can actually be real damn funny. Case in point: a Reddit thread from yesterday that posed this question: “As a straight guy, what’s the gayest thing you’ve done?” What followed was some truly hilarious stuff, as straight guys tried to top each other (not literally) with their gayest moment ever.
Reddit has proven to be a great venue for straight guys to share gay stuff. Last September we were shook by a thread asking straight guys to share their most intimate same-sex moments. Perhaps unsurprisingly, there were quite a few touching revelations and beautiful stories. Read all about them here.
But this new Reddit directive to share their gayest moment ever is less “awwww” and more “LOL.” Some are just freaking hilarious.
Here we rank 17 of our favorite “gayest moment ever” stories by straight guys on Reddit:
17. Who doesn’t love a facial?
“I had a gay roommate and he was the funniest person I have ever met. Just a character. One night we were home alone (we lived with two other people) and we gave each other facials (clay mask) and listened to music in the bathroom.”
16. Not normal, but also not gay
“I cried watching Olympic figure skating.”
15. Hey, it’s just a compliment
“Two guys were talking to each other and I walked past them and said ‘look at you cuties’ and kept going, don’t know why I did it to this day.”
14. Mmmm … wrestler butts as pillows
“My wrestling team and I used to have group nap sessions where we would use each other as pillows.”
13. Can hand-holding be a gayest moment ever?
“On deployment in the Marine Corps. I was laying in the desert next to my team leader under a perfect sky. All the stars were out and the air felt like the shade on a hot day. Him and I talked calmly about our families, our dreams, and how perfect the sky looked and how small that made us. ‘Hold my hand,’ he said. I could feel, without touching, that his arm was extending. Over the course of the following second I contemplated my whole existence before half consciously reaching out to him. His hand felt nice and we said nothing. This lasted for maybe 10 minutes until we fell asleep.”
12. The tenderest of kisses
“Once tried hugging a bro goodbye and we ended up making lip contact for more than a second by accident. Did not mind it. Handsome fella. Tender kisser. Bugged his GF about it for the next three years.”
11. Who wants to see?
“My friends and I were all in a bathroom together, and we were really hyped up for some reason, and we showed each other our wieners. Oddly enough I think it made us better friends.”
10. What a line of work
“I’m a professional body piercer. I touch other dudes’ dicks all the time.”
9. Who else is a “cuddle slut”?
“I’ve cuddled with a guy in a big half naked group at the local BDSM dungeon. Actually done it a few times. 36 male and straight as an arrow. I just so happen to also be a cuddle slut.”
“My wife and I hang out with a lot of married couples. I realized that when I greet the wives in the group and when we leave, I kiss them on the cheek. After realizing that I was doing this without really thinking about it, I just started doing it to the guys too. That way they don’t think I’m some weird creep trying to mack on their wives, they just think I’m weird. Surprisingly everyone is cool with it and it’s just sort of become my thing. Just about everyone leans into it now and gets confused if I happen to not give them a kiss on the cheek.”
7. That’s … pretty gay
“I had a legitimate sexual attraction to a male professor in college it was very weird. I sort of realized what I was feeling when he told our class his wife had left him and immediately I thought, yes.”
6. Pics or it didn’t happen
“Made out naked with a dude in the living room of his girlfriend’s parents’ house. It was the price to pay for something that never came to fruition. That game of strip UNO got out of hand fast.”
5. Wait, what does “tucking in a homie” entail?
“Went to tuck in my homie one night, tripped over a shoe and my mouth landed on his dick.”
4. “Let’s go girls!”
“Physically made out with a dude/licked a dingle, for science. Learned I’m definitely not gay. Beyond that, when I’m drunk at karaoke I’ll rock the shit out of some Shania. LET’S GO GIRLS.”
3. Just a peck
“Once, my friend group decided to skinny dip and play truth or dare. The girls wanted to see how far us guys would go so they kept daring us to do shit like make out, touch each other’s dicks, etc. For me personally, I made out with another guy, and one of the guys kissed my dick. I’d say that’s pretty far to go for all of us. We’re all straight.”
2. The gay handshake
“Lost my phone, thought my friend took it because he had a bulge in his pants, grabbed said bulge, handful of dick.”
1. This might just be the gayest sentence ever uttered. Period.
“Spent a lonely hot and muggy night in my underwear drinking Mojitos and watching HBO’s Girls, while eating M&Ms and sewing buttons on my camel hair jacket.”