Do you ever tap on the apps hoping for a hookup? When you see an attractive man, do you avoid making first contact because you’re unsure of what to say? Does trying to figure out how to initiate a hookup seem overwhelming?
If the answer is yes, you’re not alone. Let’s be honest — getting the ball rolling is often easier said than done.
For a lot of men the solution tends to be overly direct. Examples include blindly sharing NSFW photos or sending out crude messages, hoping for the best. And while there’s certainly something to be said about being transparent, sometimes being too upfront can be counterproductive.
Here are six tips on how to initiate a hookup without coming off creepy:
1. Know what you want.
Before reaching out to anyone, it’s important to know what you want (or are open to). Yes, your goal is to get it on with someone, but doing a bit of narrowing can help save time.
As a tool for self-insight, consider the following questions as a pathway to understanding:
- What am I in the mood for?
- What alternatives am I open to?
- What types of guys do I generally go for?
By knowing the answers, you place yourself in a position of strength; something that paradoxically makes you more attractive.
2. Use a recent photo.
Assuming you’re on an app like Hornet, it’s important to use a profile picture that accurately represents who you are in the here and now. Translation: Skip the pictures from five years ago.
Bear in mind that you attract what you put out there. In other words, photos that show you doing real-life things tend to attract others with similar interests.
3. Mention interests in your profile.
Many people reading this tip may think it means getting super-graphic. While cutting to the chase has its advantages, it can also come off as obnoxious.
Instead it’s better to use a hybrid approach. Doing so not only humanizes you, it also stirs curiosity. An example might be: Athletic #versatile #top open to #dating, #hookups and more.
What you want to avoid is having nothing listed in your profile. Use common sense here and ask yourself, What do I like to see when I am checking guys out?
4. Start reaching out.
Now that you’re aware of what you’re looking for (or open to) and have your picture and profile set up, it’s time to start reaching out. You may be thinking this is easier said than done. True enough — there’s no sugar coating it.
But here’s the thing. If you don’t initiate contact, you severely limit your opportunities. Translation: you need to generate multiple opportunities for something real to pan out.
5. Use a direct, friendly approach.
Here’s the part that jumbles a lot of guys up. How do you reach out and what do you say?
Here are some examples, with directness and simplicity guiding the way.
- “Hi, there. I really like your picture and profile. What brings you on?”
- “Your profile picture is sexy. How’s it going tonight?”
- “Loved reading your profile. It sounds like you are a man who knows what he’s looking for. My name is John, by the way.”
Obviously there are variations to the above (find several here), but I think you get my drift. Being human, relatable and friendly are always smart approaches.
6. Things not to do …
Now that you know how to initiate the conversation, there are a few things you’ll want to avoid.
Don’t send blind messages that go into graphic detail. Allow for a little dialogue to take place first before going for the gold. And avoid coming off as sexually narcissistic.
Do you have any tips for a guy looking to initiate a hookup? We want to hear from you.
This story was originally published on April 26, 2018