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Crazy Heteros Are At It Again: ‘Tis the Season for Eyeroll-Inducing Straight Pride Products
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Crazy Heteros Are At It Again: ‘Tis the Season for Eyeroll-Inducing Straight Pride Products

Written by Danny Addice on May 23, 2019
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Yes, you read that correctly. Just in time for LGBTQ Pride month, right after Harvey Milk Day, as we get ready to celebrate the 50th god damn anniversary of Stonewall. Some poor, poor heteros feel left out of the festivities. But don’t get your cargo shorts in a bunch, Ralph, because Amazon has got a great array of Straight Pride products just for you!

Last year we reported on Amazon’s straight pride pins, which were (thankfully) taken down for being ridiculous and insulting. But not only are those pins back online; now there’s even more crap for heteros to silently let the world know they love eating at Denny’s.

For those str8bros who love to complain that LGBTQ people get a flag all their own, this set of four Straight Pride pins offers upset heteros a mix of *bold* and exciting lewks. You can rep the ‘bLuE iS FoR bOiS’ and ‘PiNk iS fOr GiRLz’ pin, or if you’re a super-advanced heterosexual, you can sport one of the humdrum ‘shades of grey’ pins which point out you’ve watched only one episode of Queer Eye in your life, and that was only because your girlfriend made you.

We get it: Watching gay people is yuck.

straight pride products


But don’t take our word for it. Check out some of the elegant, positive reviews. Our favorite was the guy who said this: “Proud of being normal.”

But if you don’t think a Straight Pride pin — in addition to your jeans/sandals combo — screams “I only use a 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash” loud enough, there are even more Straight Pride products for you.

straight pride products

Wear the above fab Straight Pride shirt to remind us silly fags that not only is gay marriage something we had to and continue to fight for, but that being gay is punishable by law in over 70 countries.

Then again, let’s hear what Hugh (who doesn’t wipe his butt ’cause that’s too gay) and other straights have to say about this ‘masc’-tastic shirt.

“Yay! There is finally a shirt for heterosexuals!”

“Just the thing to piss up off sensitive little snowflakes!”

“It should read ‘Correct Lifestyle Pride.'”

“I’m allowed to be straight.”

Yup, Todd. You most certainly are allowed to be unbearably straight.

In conclusion, this meme perfectly sums up what we think of these silly Straight Pride products:

straight pride products

Will you be picking up any of these lovely Straight Pride products? Please, let us (and the rest of the world) know … so we can judge you.

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