Clueless When It Comes to Flirting? Here Are 8 Tips for Shy Guys
When you’re on a gay social network like Hornet, you’re sure to encounter a ton of interesting guys right at your fingertips. Maybe you’re in the app just to browse and see who’s out there; or maybe you’re looking to chat up a local guy you find interesting. If it’s the latter, you likely know that successful flirting is a balancing act: be too forward and you may scare a guy off, be too meek and he may lose interest.
So we thought we’d take the time to examine what “successful flirting” really means. Whether you’re a guy who feels clueless when it comes to approaching guys, or someone who considers himself a pro at catching guys hook, line and sinker, these tips are sure to be helpful when you find yourself logging on.
Here are some handy tips for successful flirting while on gay apps:
1. Always start off friendly.
Especially if you’re shy, send a quick message to indicate your interest and then give him time to respond. Sending anything more than a quick note at the outset can come off as a little aggressive or needy, and no one wants that.
And when you initiate conversation, avoid the eye-rollingly basic “Sup?” Feel free to start with a friendly “Hello,” which is more neutral and lets him indicate his interest in response. If you’re feeling a bit more talkative, feel free to throw out a “How’s it hangin’?” or simple “How are you?”
There’s no simpler way to get the ball rolling.
2. Please, be chill.
Desperation is unattractive. If he’s interested, he’ll respond. If he doesn’t, sending a bunch of follow-up messages will likely backfire. I’d even suggest giving him a full day to respond if you’re really interested.
This applies to chatting as well. Don’t gush over his sexiness right away. Some guys will respond to that, but others may consider it a turn-off. Wait ’til he shows interest in you before gushing, because if he’s interested, things will happen naturally.
And if he’s not interested, don’t let that hurt your feelings. Approach each conversation with an open mind — maybe you’ll end up as friends or acquaintances. Maybe something more. But if you’re concentrated solely on only one of those outcomes, you could miss out on meeting a genuinely great person.
3. It helps to point out a (genuine) common connection.
Another successful flirting tip: Early on in the conversation, point out something you have in common. If he’s a gaymer, mention you are too. Any hobbies or interests the two of you share will aid in conversation and let him know you’re worth hanging out with.
Whatever you do, don’t lie. If you’re not into sushi or social activism, don’t say you are. The real you is sure to be uncovered sooner or later.
But what if you don’t have anything in common at first sight? Well, ask a question based on his profile. What does he do for work? Does he like to travel? If so, where does he hope to travel to next?
4. Drop a physical compliment, and feel free to use emoji.
A casual “How’s it going, handsome?” or “What’s up, stud?” are simple ways to indicate attraction.
Also, studies show that a wink or smile emoji can actually help get your sentiment across because they mimic physical flirting and playfulness — so use them. A clever or well-placed emoji inserted into regular conversation shows a higher level of engagement and interest that’s more likely to get a response.
5. Always gauge his responses.
If he doesn’t answer your questions or takes a long time between responses, you have a few options. You can wait, you can ask if he’d rather chat later, or you can assume he’s not interested. On the other hand, if he responds promptly and compliments you, he’s probably interested.
6. When it comes to pics …
Your main profile pic should be an attractive, flattering pic of yourself, but keep in mind that if you look like a thot, you could be unintentionally turning away guys who don’t see you as someone of substance. Feel free to upload a variety of shots to your profile, the intention being that each image shows a little bit more of what kind of guy you are.
You should only start sending pics if he’s expressed interest in receiving them. While some guys are fine with unsolicited photos sent their way, you’re better safe than sorry. And few people want to see your most intimate pics without even a semblance of conversation beforehand. Hey, it never hurts to simply ask what someone else would like to see.
If someone responds positively to a photo you’ve sent, you should feel free to ask for something similar in return. Also, try to avoid pics of you with someone else. That can often distract from the task at hand — successful flirting!
7. Be straightforward.
Whatever it is you’re seeking by being online, avoid being disappointed by your new friend by being upfront and honest about what you’re looking for. Say, “It’d be cool to meet up for a drink sometime” or “I’d love to hang out sometime if you’re down.” And if they agree, suggest a day and time.
8. Always be safe.
It’s still the most important rule of interacting on a digital social network. Don’t offer up any info about yourself that you’re not comfortable giving away. And always listen to your gut — if something seems off about the guy you’re interacting with, there are plenty of others to hit up. Those of us who are sleuths on social media may find it helpful to search around a few different platforms before meeting up in person, if that’s something in the cards.
And for those looking to be safe as can be, it never hurts to meet up for the first time in public, or at the very least chatting (in the app and on the phone) for a good while before taking things to the meet-up level. Good communication will ensure you both have a good time, and you both get out of this what you were hoping for.