The Ultimate Body Shame: Why Is Everyone So Scared of the Anus?
Gay, straight, bisexual, sexually fluid or asexual — this article is for everyone, particularly those dealing with body shame. The anus is a massive site of body shame and sex shame. We ignore and avoid this area, which becomes the ultimate form of body shame. For many it’s the most feared, anxiety-inducing and shamed part of our body.
Our pelvic floor, where our anus lives, is an important contact point with the world and can be a tool to build intimacy with yourself and others. Our entire body does this, but the anus has a high concentration of sensory neurons.
Here’s how to avoid body shame and make your anus your friend:
The anus needs a lot of touch to relax it, so touch your genitals more — all of them. Feel them, recognize their existence and get used to having them touched. This will help develop more associated eroticism. The pelvic floor is already a tense area because we hold a lot of generalized stress here, so don’t make things worse by ignoring your anus. It needs massaging to relax it, which will also relax you.
Lower body movement opens up the pelvis area. Part of relaxing it and finding the pleasure in it requires warming it up. Movement and stretching your pelvic area can improve body and sexual confidence.
3. Reduce body shame and sex shame
To fully resolve body shame you must learn to touch and engage your whole body, especially its most feared and shamed part. Making use of your anus with a partner is one of the most intimacy-building things you can offer. Anal play is intimacy, and withholding touch is to withhold being felt at deeper levels. Our bodies are tools of connection or avoidance.
4. Avoid other sexual issues
Tension in the pelvis leads to other sexual issues due to the negative impact from constant tension and constriction we carry until we do the work to relax and make it pleasurable. Avoidance and anxiety around this area leads to shutting down other connected and local areas. Tensing up to avoid exposing this area tenses surrounding areas, too.
5. Have fun
Most importantly, it’s about pleasure and fun, so add other levels of stimulation to your anal play. Use fingers, toys and tongues. Those with a penis will see that their prostate and cock are deeply connected to the anus, and utilizing all parts of the lower anatomy can increase relaxation and pleasure.
Dr. Chris Donaghue is a lecturer, therapist and host of the LoveLine podcast, a weekly expert on The Amber Rose Show, and a frequent co-host on TV series The Doctors. He authored Sex Outside the Lines and has been published in various journals and magazines, including The New York Times, Newsweek and National Geographic. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
This story was originally published on August 10, 2018.
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