While it often seems like Mother Nature thought of everything, she forgot to give the bottoms of the world something they’d really love: a self-cleaning functionality. Unless you systematically douche or don’t eat anything for 24 hours before sex (neither of which are recommended, by the way), there’s always that sneaking fear of an “accident” once things get hot and heavy and bottoming is in the cards. But is there a special “bottom diet” that could offer guidance?
While there’s no definitive answer to “What can I eat before bottoming?” there are foods that can at the very least supply a modicum of comfort, meaning you won’t play Russian Roulette the next time your lover has an unexpected desire to give it to you.
Beware: There’s some serious poop talk ahead.
The Bottom Diet: Choose These 4 Foods Before Bottoming
1. High-Fiber Foods
“Go with high-fiber foods — vegetables, fruits, wholegrain cereals,” says French naturopath Rodrigue Bilard. Fiber is indeed a bottom’s best friend.
Soluble fiber becomes viscous in the intestine and facilitates the molding of your stool. This kind of fiber is found in the flesh of fruits, vegetables, oats and flax seeds.
Insoluble fiber is present in the skins of fruits and vegetables, in whole grains, in wheat bran and in chickpeas or lentils — things you would soak before cooking them so they do not ferment once digested. (Avoid vegetables like cabbage, which tends to ferment inside the body.)
2. Rice and Pasta
Rice and pasta also give your stool some consistency. Don’t overcook them, though, so their absorption powers take place in your stomach and not in the pan.
To be fully efficient, soluble fiber needs liquid. It’s therefore very important that you drink a lot of water when planning to bottom.
4. Natural Food Supplements
Rather than shell out cash for expensive food supplements, often enriched with additives, opt for natural alternatives like psyllium, easily found in all organic specialty stores. Enjoy a spoonful every morning with a little water and you’ll quickly see that, thanks to its viscous and absorbent nature, your stool will be better molded and “regular.” Psyllium is also one of the basic ingredients of the natural men’s fiber supplement Pure for Men, tailor-made for guys who bottom.
The Bottom Diet: Avoid These 6 Foods Before Bottoming
1. Junk Food and Processed Foods
Your stomach doesn’t really know what to do with foods that are high in fat, salt or sugar. If you’re planning on bottoming later, maybe stay away from that Big Mac or glazed donut.
2. Red Meat and Sausages
A bottom diet doesn’t require you to banish any and all red meat from your plate, but these fatty or fermented foods are best consumed in moderation before bottoming. Instead, get your dose of protein from white meats, eggs, non-fatty fish or veggies.
3. The Coffee – Alcohol – Cigarette Combo
Your late-night vices are a party pooper. Literally.
4. Artificial Sweeteners
In addition to their potentially carcinogenic effects, sweeteners can have a laxative effect and swell your stomach. So slow it down with those diet sodas, and you can also say goodbye to unwanted gas.
5. Fermented Dairy Products
Especially yogurts and most cheeses — these are a no-go.
6. Spicy Foods
The more spicy your meal, the less your body is able to accommodate it. Avoiding spicy foods also means less worry about hemorrhoids.
As you can see, while there’s no “bottom diet,” focusing on fiber and consuming a balanced diet will allow you to be a power bottom ready to go on any occasion. Even better, by pairing these tips with physical activity, you’ll feel great. Most importantly when bottoming, learn to listen to your body to find out what works for you and what doesn’t. Above all, don’t panic if “shit happens.” That’s just how life works.