You Didn’t Have to Make This, Vol. 5: The Crotch Cannon

You Didn’t Have to Make This, Vol. 5: The Crotch Cannon

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You should know the drill by now, if we find something ridiculous on the internet we have to share it. So far we’ve covered a wide range of items that really shouldn’t have been made: the foreskin lamp which is turned on by unsheathing its fabric, the fleshlight resembling a character from A Bug’s Life, the Testicuzzi, a personal hot tub for your testicles and most recently the hairy leg leggings. Today, we’re introducing the new member of the elusive You Didn’t Have to Make This club: the Crotch Cannon. The Crotch Cannon is made by Bowden’s Own, an Australian company dedicated to car care.

Behold, the Crotch Cannon in all its glory.

It’s basically a boosted stand to pee device, worn like a strap-on. According to Bowden’s Own, “It’s a true ergonomic fitment that you strap to your body to give you the most relaxing and natural feeling way you’ll ever use to apply your snow foam.” At least you know they’re having fun explaining just how ridiculous this product is. They even have a video demonstrating the Crotch Cannon in action.

With the snow foam spraying out of the device, it makes the whole act of using it look like something you would search in incognito mode on certain adult sites. The product description even alludes to this, stating that “the cannon bottle is secured on the back to give an almost perfect weight balance, lowering your chance of fatigue during use. Performing longer or multiple Snow Jobs will only increase your foaming pleasure.”

The Crotch Cannon pairs great with their cleaning products, Snow Job and Happy Ending. Obviously whoever is in charge of naming their products deserves a raise, because they’re definitely getting product names right.

The Crotch Cannon is $149.99 but unfortunately, it’s now sold out. Who knows, maybe Bowden’s Own will bring it back? We know you’re bummed about missing out on it.

But really, you didn’t have to make this.

Would you ever consider getting the Crotch Cannon?

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