Kevin Swanson, The Shape of Water
Kevin Swanson, The Shape of Water

This Hateful Pastor Thinks God Will Destroy America Because ‘The Shape of Water’ Won Best Picture

Kevin Swanson — a Christian hate pastor who thinks gay people should be put to death, same-sex marriage causes hurricanes, public schools want to turn kids into “transgender Communists,” pro-LGBTQ schools should be burned and God wanted the Pulse nightclub shooting to happen — thinks that God might destroy American because The Shape of Water won Best Picture at the 90th Academy Awards.

Why is that, you ask? Well, let us explain his weird reasoning.

In the Christian Bible, there’s a book called Leviticus which lists a whole bunch of ancient rules about how to burn offerings, purify your tabernacle and handle vaginal discharge (yes, really). As a warning for those who break the rules, God literally sets two young priests on fire for lighting incense the wrong way  — rules are rules, boys.

Anyway, one of the rules about sex (contained in Leviticus 18:23) states, “Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is perversion.”

So basically, because The Shape of Water is about a mute woman who falls in love with an amphibian-based lifeform that’s part merman, part Creature from the Black Lagoon. The entire movie is really a metaphor for loving those who are different from us, but for Swanson, the film is literally about a woman who commits the unholy perversion of fucking a fish.

Kevin Swanson 02, The Shape of Water 02

Thus, his “sermon” this morning about the wages of fish-fucking:

The Academy Award ceremonies this week provided the best film and best director Oscar to a violation of the worst possible sexual sin mentioned in Leviticus chapter 18…. This was another milestone in the moral degradation of Hollywood and the nation itself. What it did was it presented the ultimate sexual depravity … as a tender and romantic and a beautiful thing.

He then speaks of an Old Testament nation that “vomited its people out … because they practiced these abominable practices.” This is wacky Bible-speak for “God will smite you for having sex with fish.”

So we might not wanna tell Swanson about the unauthorized Shape of Water fish-dildo, lest God smite us all.

What do you think of Kevin Swanson’s prediction? Sound off in the comments.