‘Am I the Assh*le?’ Outrageous Queer Wedding Moments Edition
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It is a truth universally acknowledged that weddings bring out the worst in people. They are expensive, they are stressful, they often bring together people that don’t want anything to do with one another, and the pressure to have a perfect one often outweighs any enjoyment of the actual day. There’s no reason to make a wedding messier or more stressful than it already is.
You could build an entire genre of Reddit’s “Am I the Asshole?” forum focused on what may or may not be appropriate wedding behavior. A good percentage of these situations could easily be avoided if straight people weren’t compelled to act like fools.
We’ve rounded up some of the most outrageous wedding moments for your judgment pleasure:
Not paying for your daughter’s wedding because she’s bi
u/AvadGardener9090 and her husband had put away $20k for their daughter’s wedding years ago but changed their mind when she said she was marrying a woman, because apparently they had “agreed for her to use that money under the assumption she was marrying a man.” OP is very adamant that she is not a homophobe despite her homophobic actions.
One commentor summed up the issue rather succinctly:
YTA. You were willing to just straight up hand over the money to her, and she asked you to save it for her wedding. Then she found someone to marry, and now you are refusing to hand over the money because that person happens to be a woman. You are being unsupportive and homophobic.
And it’s not even about the money, it’s about how you refusing to give the money clearly shows that you don’t consider her relationship valid or good enough. It shows that you think less of her because of her sexuality, and that’s horrible. — u/Tomato_Tomat0
Not bringing your children to your sister’s gay wedding because you don’t want to teach them about homosexuality
u/bigbrotherthrowaway6 calls his little sister “pretty awesome” despite not wanting his three young girls in her wedding to another woman. He states that he has a very Christian family and thinks “that having [his] daughters go to church and then be a part of a gay wedding is only going to create confusion and questions for them.” He also writes that he’s considering lying to his sister about not wanting to bother her with small children during the wedding.
OP is rightfully dragged in the comments.
YTA. This is an EXCELLENT time to put your money where your mouth is.
Show your daughters that loving someone is never a bad thing.
Are you willing to lose your sister because you don’t want to face this? Because this is how you lose your sister. — u/moongirl12
YTA if you lie to your sister. Lying is a sin. I recommend bringing them to the wedding so that you don’t have to lie. Your daughters are going to learn about homosexuality eventually whether you like it or not. — u/John_Taured
Wanting to go to your son’s wedding even though you made him go to conversion therapy when he came out
u/snfbeppoebwuuuuuuuu‘s son doesn’t want to invite him to his wedding because of how atrociously OP acted when his son came out to him as a teenager. OP thinks he’s changed enough to be included and wants some perspective on the situation. There really is no discussion to be had on whether OP is the asshole here (because, yes, obviously), but some of the comments are well worth remembering.
YTA Every SECOND of his time that you are granted is a privilege that you DID NOT earn. You caused him life long trauma and you deserve to live with life long consequences. It doesn’t matter if you changed, the horror that you caused him never will. He may cut you off tomorrow and be right for it. Do not overstep and do not push. — u/UglyDuffelBag
I’m going to be a lot gentler than some of the others here.
You’ve made a remarkable change. That doesn’t make-up for what you put your son through or invalidate the anger and the resentment he might/probably still holds toward you. But I do want to congratulate and thank you for this change. It takes a lot to change. It takes even more to admit and own to your past mistakes rather than just burying those things.
That said, your son has every right to feel what he feels and YTA/YWBTA if you keep pressing this issue. All that you need/should do at this time is make certain that your son understands how much you love him and that NOW you respect his life, who he loves, and ultimately his choices. You can’t change the past or what you did. You can move forward and make positive changes to make up for those things. That begins with not pressuring your son to accept YOUR feelings, but rather considering HIS. — u/dramaandaheadache
Refusing to go to your brother’s wedding to a man because you feel loyalty to his ex-wife
u/dgreatso‘s bizarre justification for not wanting to go to his brother’s wedding to another man is that “starting a life with a woman when he never was interested in women is something I’ll never understand.” Because bi people still don’t exist. OP says he doesn’t feel like celebrating the harm his brother caused to his family. Attempting to understand the logic here is like doing impossible mental aerobics, so we’re not even going to try.
YTA- sounds like he was struggling with his sexual identity, and he figured out he’s not actually attracted to women. You’re angry at him for that because of the “harm” he caused his family… What about the harm of living a lie? Or having his family judge him and boycott his wedding? Having people he loves choose not to be there.
You’re being incredibly short sighted and trying to punish someone for being true to themselves. Stop making this about you. — u/raptorsinthekitchen
Inviting your homophobic grandparents to your wedding where LGBTQ+ family members will be in attendance
u/aita-homophobic is torn about inviting his homophobic grandparents to his straight wedding, where his two gay cousins will be. “Homophobia aside, my grandparents are amazing, hardworking, good people,” he says. Here’s the thing. The minute you start a sentence with “homophobia aside,” you are an asshole.
This is by far the best comment on the thread:
You can’t be friends with your friends’ abusers OP. And homophobia is abuse. — u/Marmaladeanddryice
Coming out at someone else’s wedding
Why? Why would you do this?
u/cumagainanotherday brings a guy he’s been seeing for three months to his sister’s wedding and justifies it because his “sister never came out as straight.” Sure, maybe if we lived in a perfect world, people generally wouldn’t assume everyone was straight until told otherwise. But unfortunately that isn’t the world we live in.
In all the time you’ve been dating, you’ve never mentioned the person’s name (or any prior boyfriend’s) or used any pronouns for them when speaking to your family? You didn’t attend the rehearsal dinner, any pre-wedding events, or have any contact with your family until the wedding ceremony itself where you unveiled your boyfriend? Your twin sister never asked you who you were bringing?
Either you deliberately obfuscated the situation just to make a “Oh, but why did you assume I was straight?” kind of point, or this is fake as fuck. Either way, you’re TA. — u/MamaC2011
Last but not least, sometimes you’re … not the asshole
u/LargeSeat3093 is not allowed to bring his husband or son to his daughter’s wedding. He’s also not allowed to even mention his sexuality at all, which has led to him refusing to pay for her wedding despite having previously promised her he’d do so.
Oh sweetie. The moment your own daughter told you that your partner was not welcome at her wedding because of her homophobic in-laws, you became absolutely NTA. You are not required to pay for an event – not even your daughter’s wedding, not even if once-upon-a-time you promised her you would – at which your life partner, the man you love, the father of your other child, and a man WHO HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO HURT OR BETRAY YOUR DAUGHTER IN ANY WAY (most importantly) is not welcome to stand by your side as a welcome member of your family. Period.
As others have noted, your daughter is choosing to prioritise her future in-laws over you, whilst prioritising your money over valuing you as her dad and a human being with feelings. I’m so sorry. I am ashamed of her on your behalf. She should be terribly ashamed of herself. I wonder if she could even articulate to you why her in-laws’ feelings are more important than yours or your husband’s? Either way, you have been more than gracious, and she has behaved terribly.
Most importantly of all, perhaps, she might want to consider why she keeps insisting that this is about HER and you’re not thinking of HER . . . which implies that it is not her in-laws who are at the heart of keeping her stepdad and half-brother out of the wedding, but . . . HER. All the more reason not to pay. You are NTA, and I’m sorry that your own child has turned out to be so heartless. — u/FoolMe1nceShameOnU