On a Very Special Edition of AITA …
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Everyone loves subreddit “Am I The Asshole!” The answer is usually very clear cut; and, chances are, if you have to ask, then … yes. Yes, you are. These types of threads also tend to be a good reminder that there are some real weirdos out there, living among us. Like this guy, who put his dick in a jar of peanut butter, for example. Let’s dissect the (amazing) penis peanut butter scandal.
One year ago, user PeanutButterDilemma asked: “AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter and leaving it in the kitchen?” and we’re still not over it.
I (20M) am a college student living with four other guys my age. It’s our second year living together, and last year we had an issue with people eating food that isn’t theirs, so now we have a strict ‘label your stuff and only eat things with your name on it’ policy.
My girlfriend and I like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom, and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter and she licked it off. … The controversy is that since we have a mouse problem I did not want to leave the peanut butter in my bedroom, so afterwards I closed it and returned it to my kitchen cupboard.
Note that it had a huge “PeanutButterDilemma” label on it, so it was clear that it belonged to me.
You can guess where this is going, can’t you?
Roommate eats peanut butter. PeanutButterDilemma confesses to the state of the peanut butter. Roommate is furious.
Now, I have my own opinion on whether PeanutButterDilemma is the asshole here, but let’s see what some of the commenters had to say.
User imcee said: “NTA. I mean … It sounds like your roommate learned a lesson lmao.”
Which — fair.
ManicInnkeeper agreed: “NTA. It was labeled, it was in your space, and everyone in the house has learned a valuable lesson about asking before you take things.”
It does seem like apartment rules were clearly established from the get-go, especially since this had been an issue previously. And everyone knows what happens to rule-breakers. They accidentally wind up eating from a penis butter jar.
There was also a long discussion about the sanitation factor, which user poetinahat brought up: “ESH. I mean, you’re right. It was labelled as yours and he shouldn’t have eaten it. But sex toys — which is what this peanut butter became after you put your dick in it — shouldn’t be kept in the kitchen around other food. It’s just unsanitary, honestly.”
To which Hearbinger said: “What, you think his dick particles would release dick spores that would infiltrate through the lid and contaminate other foods in the cupboard, which would likely have their own closed packages? Take it easy, dude. Also, you probably wouldn’t have a sanitary issue if someone had dipped their finger in the peanut butter and put it back in the cabinet, and your finger has probably been to nastier places than your dick. I hope.”
Many of the commenters seemed to agree that OP was NTA, and that rules are rules.
Some pointed out that OP was the asshole because he told his roommate the truth, and a few felt that penis peanut butter should not be kept in a communal kitchen, no matter what the house rules dictated.
Of course, we still have questions.
We have so many questions.
Why go for a direct dip, instead of using a spoon to spread it on? Why didn’t the roommate notice the weird-shaped indent in the peanut butter while he was stealing OP’s food? Why not just throw out the jar of penis peanut butter after you’ve dunked said penis into it?
Sadly, user PeanutButterDilemma’s account has been suspended, so it seems we’ll never know.