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There are a million reasons not to send someone unsolicited nudes: Apart from being sexually aggressive and a little creepy, if it’s a person you’ve never texted before, there’s always the possibility you’re inadvertently sending your genitals to a wrong number. Think we’re exaggerating? Then let this Reddit user share his tale of sexting gone woefully wrong.
A Reddit user who goes by Th3GreenMan56 posted an image of a text exchange between him and a man who identifies himself only as “Brandon from class,” presumably a student at a school that doesn’t teach manners.
Brandon clarifies that he’s from an economics class and a fellow classmate, Shannon, has given him the text recipient’s number. To his credit, Th3GreenMan56 immediately tells Brandon that he has the wrong number, but that doesn’t stop young Brandon. Oh, not at all — he’s a go-getter.
Brandon initially presents himself as a shy schoolboy, even going so far as to text that he’s sweating profusely and twiddling his thumbs and looking at the ground while introducing himself. But he quickly shifts from saying “Let’s hang out” to moving his hands to unzip his pants (all narrated via text, like stage directions in a play).
Now, before we continue, it’s quite possible the person who was supposed to receive Brandon’s unsolicited nudes is sexually open and would happily welcome such pics from an acquaintance in her economics class. It’s also possible that Shannon hates her “friend” and just wanted to send a horny weirdo to harass her. It’s also entirely possible that Shannon had no idea Brandon was such a hornball who’d send unsolicited nudes without any encouragement whatsoever.
The text recipient even tries to warn Brandon, saying, quite explicitly, “Brandon, you have the wrong number. I’m not a woman. I literally have a mustache.”
Nevertheless, Brandon sent a big ol’ zoomed-in photo of his penis. His reaction, when Th3GreenMan56 reveals his unimpressed mustchioed face, is pithy but priceless.
Instead of randomly texting unsolicited nudes to poor women or men who may not appreciate or even want them in the first place, we suggest instead doing what everyone else does: post those unsolicited nudes to Tumblr. If you tag it correctly, you’re bound to get a whole lot of followers. You might even get enough to start your own Patreon or OnlyFans account.
Not only will it jumpstart your dating life and your amateur porn career, but you’ll also avoid the humiliation of having your text exchange shared online — or the cold comfort of a jail cell when an unappreciative text recipient calls the sexting police on you.
What do you think of sending unsolicited nudes? Sound off in the comments.
This story was originally published on June 19, 2018