john stamos teaser
john stamos teaser

John Stamos Isn’t Going to Masturbate to Just Any Old Version of Himself

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One of our favorite actresses has a new late-night talk show on E! that’s totally worth a watch. Busy Philipps — known for her work on Dawson’s CreekFreaks and Geeks and Cougartown — premiered Busy Tonight in late October, and since her premiere she’s welcomed Mindy Kaling, Kristen Bell and Megan Mullally to her couch. One of her latest guests was hunky Full House (and Fuller House) star John Stamos (“Uncle Jesse”), who had quite the story to tell.

Stamos is a new dad alongside his current wife Caitlin McHugh. The couple had a baby — son Billy — six months ago, and they’re trying for another. This John Stamos story concerns that, as he and his wife are currently dealing with fertility stuff:

This is an absolutely true story, and I’ve been waiting to tell this story.

[We were] trying to get pregnant and we had to go to the fertility place, and I had to give a sperm sample. I can’t believe I’m finally getting to tell this story. And I went into this little room where they say, ‘Go in there…’ and they say, ‘If you need any stimulation or whatever there’s videos, and there’s a TV here, just turn the thing.’ So I said ‘Well, alright.’

john stamos uncle jesse
John Stamos on ‘Full House’ as Uncle Jesse

So I turn the TV on, and it’s on Fuller House. My hand to god.

And I’m like, if I’m gonna masturbate to myself, it’s gonna be to my old self, not the new …

Watch John Stamos tell the story himself in the video below (the story starts around 02:50):

First things first, we’re gonna disregard the fact that, well … we don’t believe this John Stamos story. How do you turn on a TV inside a doctor’s office and have a Netflix series mid-stream? Something sounds fishy.

But more importantly, while John Stamos might not be interested in pleasuring himself to footage of him now, we’re totally game.

Is it just us, or is John Stamos even hotter in 2018 than he was during the first season of Full House in 1987? Tell us we’re not delusional!

If you were gonna masturbate to John Stamos, which version of him would it be?

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