We’ve rounded up some of the best celebrity bulges that have infiltrated our collective browser histories since the turn of the century. Obvi we couldn’t count them all — you try doing your job with a bunch of conspicuous dicks staring you down — so let us know who we forgot, who your favorites here are and who you’d like to see strip down to their skivvies in the near future.
The 30 Best Celebrity Bulges
1. Gus Kenworthy
When he’s not snatching up Olympic medals, Kenworthy works hard to keep his other assets up to snuff — you can see plenty of payoff on his official Instagram page — but we’re partial to this airy pose featured in Gay Times’ April 2018 issue.
2. David Beckham
If you’ve thought seriously about having your penis surgically enhanced in the past several years, blame it on Beckham. According to the New York Post, he and other seemingly well-endowed male celebs (Jon Hamm included, because OMG that thing is what a power bottom’s dreams are made of!) are the subliminal reason for an uptick in penoplasty — which comes with a forewarning of unpleasant side effects. (So don’t do it.)
3. Mario Lopez
Lopez grew out of the Bayside High wrestling singlet (as Saved By The Bell’s A.C. Slater) that nudged every ’90’s gay kid’s sexual awakening and into big-boy briefs of his own design. His line of men’s underwear, Rated M, no longer exists (except on eBay, but eww!), but at least this photo provides a bit of nostalgia.
4. Max Emerson
Instagrammers are celebs in their own rights these days — thanks to all you thirsty, tap-happy homos out there — so here’s Emerson (who’s also a legitimate filmmaker) doing what he does best: Making your mouth water in this year’s Pride campaign for 2(X)IST.
5. Tom Daley
OK, so the Olympic diving superstar and new father (Daley recently welcomed a son into the world with husband Dustin Lance Black) isn’t wearing “underwear” in this on-the-job shot, but anything less and he might as well show you where babies come from.
6. Michael Sam
7. Justin Bieber
Bieber caught flack for what looked like a Photoshopped bulge in his first Calvin Klein underwear campaign, and he’s been hell-bent on proving the haters wrong ever since. Which he sort of did in these NSFW pics. Looks like a shower and a grower?
8. Laith Ashley
Hunky trans model Laith Ashley hasn’t yet had gender confirmation surgery — so his bulge isn’t all natural — but it’s more impressive than what we’re packin’, so we’re not judging.
9. Zac Efron
This scene from out director Lee Daniels’ The Paperboy, in which Efron plays the troubled title character, looks humid with a chance of spread those legs, baby.
10. Chris Pratt
Everyman Pratt has become outwardly religious of late — and his official IG’s been scrubbed of lusty photos like this one — so let us thank the Lort Jesus he graced us with this divine distraction once upon a time.
11. Chris Hemsworth
Hemsworth is wearing a prosthetic penis in this scene from 2015’s Vacation, and we have no idea what happened in the movie after that.
12. Chris Evans
Evans looked better in his whipped-cream bikini in 2001’s Not Another Teen Movie than he does here playing strip basketball in 2011’s What’s My Number?, but we wouldn’t say no to his layups.
13. Trey Songz
If you think rapper-slash-actor Trey Songz is below-the-belt blessed — this pic in his Calvins and tell-tale tats leaves little to the imagination — then you’ll want to check out his brother, Forrest Tucker, whose NSFW pics leave absolutely fucking nothing to the imagination.
14. Calvin Harris
15. Matthew Lewis
No magic or wands were needed to turn Harry Potter’s Matthew Lewis from the frumpiest kid at Hogwarts into a stone-cold fox. Just look at those sorcerer’s stones!
16. Nick Jonas
While the youngest Jonas brother’s bulge looks like more than a handful (just the way we like it), we still prefer Marky Mark’s down-under funky bunch, to which this shoot for Calvin Klein pays homage.
17. Joe Jonas
Not to be one-upped by his younger brother, middle-Jonas Joe dropped trou for a Guess campaign that made us wanna DNCMore.
18. Jamie Dornan
Dornan filmed full-frontal scenes for Fifty Shades Freed, the final chapter in the film adaptations of author E.L. James’ erotic romance novel series — according to director James Foley — but they ended up on the cutting room floor for no acceptable reason (to us, anyway). Even so, underwear pics of the Brit abound, and if you dig deep enough you’ll find uncensored and uncut images to hold you over until the secret footage is inevitably leaked.
19. Cristiano Ronaldo
20. Colton Haynes
XY, we Z you, young Mr. Haynes.
21. The Game
The Game’s got enough bulge for two to four players.
22. Tom Hiddleston
Look’s like Thor’s not the only one with a magic hammer.
23. Michael Fassbender
Fassbender likes his underwear like he likes his own dick: Long.
24. Jake Shears
Keep the boots in the closet, Jakey, we just want the kinky.
25. Justin Timberlake
Back in 2008, when The Love Guru featured Justin Timberlake gyrating in a bursting-at-the-seams Speedo, word on the street was that his bulge had to be digitally reduced. Probably just PR propaganda to sell tickets, but it was worth our $12.
26. Mechad Brooks
There’s only one X on Brooks’ bulge-tastic Calvin Klein campaign posters, but you can catch at least one more by binging the second season of HBO’s vampy supernatural series True Blood.
27. Kellan Lutz
Who bulged it better — Mechad or Kellan? Choices, choices.
28. Russell Tovey
What’re you Looking at?
29. Tyler Posey
Posey shows off his wild side in a pair of boxer shorts that clearly depict the lengths he’ll go to for art — or maybe just a little attention.
30. Milo Ventimiglia
Here’s a GIF of America’s new favorite TV dad adjusting the settings on his Cock-Pot. To be clear, this scene is from the 2012 Adam Sandler bomb That’s My Boy, not his NBC drama This Is Us (but we’d like it to be us).
Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.