Luigi's penis
Luigi's penis

Someone Calculated the Length of Luigi’s Penis, and the Internet Lost Its Damn Mind

On June 22, 2018, the video game company Nintendo will release Mario Tennis Aces, a sports game featuring characters from the massively popular Super Mario Brothers platform game. In anticipation for the game’s release, Nintendo has released promotional images showing Mario and his brother Luigi in athletic poses. Naturally, the internet saw the minor-to-nonexistent bulge in Luigi’s shorts and immediately calculated how big his penis his. (Luigi’s penis is 3.7 inches flaccid, by the way, which fits the human average.) But even funnier are the Twitter reactions of people who cannot imagine why anyway would want to know a video game character’s penis size.

The picture, which you can see below, shows Luigi breaking his racket, a slight bulge in his white, ribbed, athletic shorts. As with most bulges, it’s tough to tell which way his digital dong dangles. But that hasn’t stopped people from trying.

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They’re also happy apparently that Luigi has a penis at all. (His brother Mario has an uncircumcised penis as well, if you remember.)

But the Twitter reactions have been really hilarious:

If you’re curious how they came to determine Luigi’s penis size, they measured the length of his tennis racket handle, and, by comparing it to the size of an average tennis racket handle, calculated a 10.8 pixel to one inch ratio.

Observers also noticed that Luigi also has very sleek legs. (Perhaps he shaves them?) He also has cankles.

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Naturally, there’s lots of erotic drawings and fan-fiction of Mario and Luigi actually using his (ahem) “mushroom” (and speculation that evil King Bowser is actually a strong lesbian woman). But we prefer these tastefully sexy pics of quasi-gay-incestual Super Mario cosplay — it’s all of the fun without exposing younger players to accidental digital bulge.

Oh, and for the record, critical Twitter users: Lots of people want to have sex with male video game characters.

What do you think of speculation around Luigi’s penis? Sound off in the comments.

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