Alex Jones, the trashy host of the far-right conspiracy theory show InfoWars, said that former U.S. President Barack Obama is “having sex with 10 dudes a day,” which is supposed to squick out Jones’ audience but actually strikes us as an awesome compliment. There’s no proof whatsoever that Obama is gay or even sexually interested in men, of course, but his rumored ability to have sex with 10 dudes a day shows his open-mindedness, his energy level and his ability to enjoy a robust sex life at age 56 — well done, Obama.
Yesterday afternoon on his show, Jones mentioned that during Pizzagate — the homophobic conspiracy theory that accused a gay-owned Washington D.C. pizzeria of running a Democrat-led child molestation ring in its nonexistent basement — he learned “FBI code words for sex with kids off their own homeland security manual.”
Oh you know, that FBI manual with pedophilic codewords.
These words, according to Jones, include none-too-subtle references about expensive “hot dogs” which is apparently super-secret FBI code for “male prostitutes.” Jone then said, “And look, Obama’s having sex with 10 dudes a day, whatever…. that’s what’s going on on your taxpayer time.”
It’s true that former presidents receive a lifetime pension, staff and Secret Service protection. But apparently they also get all the “hot dogs” they can eat — hot damn.
Plenty of gay, bi and queer dudes would love to have sex 10 times a day, but most of us have jobs and limited amounts of energy (and lube). Meanwhile, Obama has plenty of free time now that he’s no longer president and his daughters are in college. He’s also reportedly very good in the sack, so he’s our new hero.
Of course, Jones is homophobic garbage and hires hateful douchebags to sell worthless health supplements on his show, so there’s zero merit to his claims. Among his show’s many dangerous fabrications: He claimed the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting was faked — the parents of the kids killed in the tragedy are now suing him for defamation.
Facebook recently suspended Jones’ personal account, YouTube removed four videos from the Infowars channel for violating “longstanding policies against child endangerment and hate speech” and the music streaming platform Spotify has removed numerous InfoWars episodes for violating the site’s hate speech policy.
But at least Obama is bangin’ 10 dudes a day. Some of us can’t even get a date. Where does he find the time?
What a stud. Gobama.